Accidental Love
by Cats070911
Summary: After the death of a colleague, Tommy and Barbara confront their feelings. But will Barbara ever believe it can work? This was an older story I was never happy with. I have now re-jigged it slightly but it is not in my usual even chapter lengths.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply.

* * *

The three officers stared at the body lying on the old dock at Tilbury. Detective Inspector Tommy Lynley knelt beside the young man who had been bludgeoned to death with unnecessary violence. "This is my fault."

"No, Sir, it's not," his sergeant, Barbara Havers, replied. "Constable Beattie knew the risks. He must have tried to stop Campbell leaving."

Tommy nodded. "We were too late. I'm sorry we let you down, Beattie."

The ambulance siren filled the silence with a discordant clanging. A paramedic rushed to the body but quickly shook his head. "Anyone else injured?"

"No," DC Winston Nkata said, shaking his head.

They waited until the body was removed before they began searching for evidence. Nothing was apparent, but Tommy called for a forensic team to double check. The mastermind of the drug ring had seemingly escaped on a private speedboat. It was a rare failure for the squad, and it hurt.

"Anyone for the pub?" Nkata asked as they drove back to the city.

Tommy shook his head. "Not for me."

"Nah, sorry Winston. I'm out too," Barbara added.

Winston shrugged. "I don't feel like going home yet. I might catch up with some of Beattie's mates. They're at the Golden Fleece. Everyone keeps texting me to see what happened."

"Stick to the facts, Winston, but leave out the fine details," Lynley warned, "we owe that to his family."

"Sure."

Tommy dropped Winston near the pub. "You could have gone with him."

Barbara stared out of the passenger window. "I know."

He felt he needed to explain. "I wasn't in the mood to be with others."

"I know."

His sergeant seemed unusually introspective. "Are you okay, Barbara?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Not really," he admitted. "I feel responsible."

"You're not."

"That doesn't make it feel any better. Do you want me to drop you home?"

"Not yet. I don't fancy sitting looking at four walls."

Tommy was perplexed. Barbara did not sound quite right. "Have you changed your mind about getting a drink?"

"No, a pub is too full of life."

Tommy did not want to return to the office. There was very little they could do until the morning. Fortunately, he did not have to inform Beattie's sister. Her husband was in the force and had elected to tell her. Tommy would have to visit tomorrow, but tonight he would let her grieve. He looked over at his sergeant. She was trying hard not to look upset. Trying far too hard. "I have a nice bottle of single malt if you'd care to share it with me."

Barbara looked at him as if deciding. She shook her head. "Thanks. I should..." Barbara paused. "Yeah, why not?"

* * *

Barbara thumped onto his sofa with a grateful grunt. Tommy grabbed the decanter and two glasses. He poured two generous drinks before he sat in his chair opposite his guest. He watched Barbara carefully. She had skolled her first drink, poured another, and was now on her third. "Are you trying to get drunk?"

Her face darkened. "Yes."

"I see."

"No, not really. It's just..." She shrugged then took a long sip of her drink.

"Tell me," he said softly.

"It's Beattie. I keep seeing his face. I'm the one who talked him into going undercover. If anyone's responsible for this mess, it's me."

Tommy moved across to the sofa and sat beside her. He put his arm around her shoulder. "It's not your fault. I sent him out there."

"It's not your fault either." Barbara looked up. "It's not just that."

"Then what?"

"I'm a bad person."

"Nuh," Tommy guffawed and shook his head. "No, you're not."

"Yeah, I am." Barbara shook off his arm then stood and walked over to the window. She stared out into the darkness. "I kept looking at him. I couldn't help but be glad it was him."

Tommy frowned. Barbara liked Beattie. "I don't understand."

She turned. Her eyes were brimming with unwept tears. "Because if it was him, it wasn't you."

Tommy put his glass on the table and walked over to her. He took her glass and placed it on his piano. "Barbara, look at me."

She looked up. "Don't say it. I know it's stupid."

"You're not a bad person, just human. I was relieved it wasn't you too. That time you were shot... that was the worst feeling..." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Her body moulded against his in a way that felt as if embracing her was why his body was made. Wet tears soaked his shirt. He pulled her closer and stroked her back.

"I'm sorry, Tommy."

He smiled. It broadened when her head jerked back and her eyes opened wide with shock. His name had obviously slipped out from behind her barricades. It was enough for him to risk doing what he had thought about for months, even years. He bent down and kissed her.

At first, Barbara froze. She stopped breathing and she went rigid. He was mentally preparing his apology when her arms snaked around his waist. He sighed and groaned in a weirdly satisfying exhalation before kissing her again. This time Barbara reciprocated with enthusiastic vigour. Their lips began to tug at each other before they slowly found a rhythm and pace that made blood pound in his ears. "Oh..."

"Mmm."

Their next kiss awakened feelings, physical and spiritual, that he thought were long behind him. As their tongues slowly twisted around each other, Tommy's body tightened in a way that was almost painful. His hand ran up her back and into her hair. He cradled her head as he kissed her harder and deeper as if his body was trying to crawl inside hers. At the same time, a warmth spread through him as if she was inside him. He slowly edged her back towards the sofa.

* * *

Barbara woke to the smell of fresh coffee. She smiled then remembered where she was and what she had done. She pulled that sheet up to cover her exposed breasts. "Oh, good... shit, shit, shit!"

When she rolled over, her neck and back ached. She and Tommy had slept clinging tightly to each other. Her lips felt swollen and other parts of her were painfully tender. If this is what a night of sex did for you, she was better off without it.

Fearing Tommy would return to the bed, Barbara got up and found his ensuite. She toileted, then washed her face. Her clothes were strewn around the bedroom. The jumper she had worn was missing but she remembered that was removed downstairs. She dressed quickly before carefully opening the door. No one was there waiting to ambush her. She crept down the stairs. Tommy was whistling in the kitchen as he rustled about. Was that bacon she could smell? This nightmare got worse. He was cooking breakfast for her. She sighed; he was such a wonderful man. As much as it touched her, it frightened her even more. She groaned then snuck into the lounge room. Her jumper was on the floor beside the sofa. She grabbed it then tiptoed down the hall to his hatstand. Pulling on her shoes and jacket as fast as she could, she took one last look back towards the kitchen and the man she loved beyond measure. "I'm sorry, Tommy."


	2. Chapter 2

Tommy was about to start the briefing even though Barbara had not arrived for work. He did not want to panic. She had not been abducted by aliens. He knew she had left his house willingly. It was easy to imagine her sitting at home wondering what had happened. When he had woken, he had been equally puzzled. One word and some raw emotions had led to a magnificent discovery of mutual affection. There had never been any indication from her before that she could love him the way she had last night. His body stirred at the memory of her lips on his skin and the way she...

"Sir?"

He turned. "Ah, Winston. Everyone ready?"

"Except Sergeant Havers. She's running late. She texted me that her bus is caught in traffic."

Tommy sighed with relief. At least she was alright and talking to someone. He could think of several reasons why she had fled, but he needed to reassure her that it was real, and that she had no reason to feel embarrassed.

* * *

Barbara arrived ten minutes into the briefing. Tommy looked calm. She suspected they would argue later about why she left, but she was not in the mood to explain. How could she tell him that she regretted last night when the only part she regretted was that it would never happen again? Tommy's reputation as a good lover was well deserved. In fact, he was better than good. He was wonderfully gentle, virile, tender, caring... He had worshipped her body and connected with her soul. In short, it had been the best night of her life. But she had known, even then, that was all she could ever have from him. The greedy, spoilt child in Tommy would expect more. He would naively think they could have a relationship. Barbara knew they would tear each other apart. It was better to stop now while they could treasure the memories.

* * *

Lynley was relieved to see her walk in ten minutes late. He wanted to walk over and kiss her and tell her that her fears were unjustified, but if he did, she would kill him on the spot, no questions asked. Their eyes briefly locked as he talked about the brutal way Beattie had been murdered. Barbara was not angry, but he could see that she was shutting him out. He closed his eyes momentarily then continued issuing orders. As the team drifted out of the room he seized his chance. "Sergeant Havers, a word in my office please."

"Yes, Sir."

Tommy stood back and let her walk in front of him. He closed and locked his door. "You didn't fancy bacon and eggs?"

Barbara looked at the ground. "Sorry. I couldn't face it."

"It being breakfast, or me?"

"Both."

Tommy put his hand on her arm but she shook him off. "I see. Are we supposed to pretend last night never happened?"

"Ideally."

Tommy closed his eyes. There was no point having a massive argument now. "I'm sorry if I have upset you in some way."

She shrugged. "It took two. You never took advantage of me."

"Barbara, last night was very special for me."

For the first time, she looked at him. She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, it was, but that wasn't who we are."

"Maybe that's exactly who we are?"

She shook her head. "No, and you know that too. It was accidental love."

"Barbara, it was not accidental. Last night defies words. You made me feel things I had never known I was capable of experiencing. You can't ask me to walk away from that."

"Do you want me to put in for a transfer?"

"What? No! You missed my point. I want to be with you. Always."

"That can never work. We're White Cliffs of Dover and Essex mudflats. Get too close and I'll stain you."

Tommy moved back. At times she was the most exasperating on the planet, and now was one of those occasions. "Don't talk nonsense. You are not a mudflat. You're more of a flowering meadow, and they grow well on top of chalk cliffs."

"See, I can't even create a good metaphor. We'll tear each other apart just like you and..." Barbara looked down.

"Helen?"

"I didn't mean that."

"I've changed a lot in the time you've known me, and so have you. Don't judge us by what we used to be, but what we are together."

She shook her head. "I can't. We fight. We... I don't know. I don't want to spend every day of my life bickering."

"We... No, neither do I. I think after last night we found we have a lot more than we thought in common. If we abandon our prejudices and focus on what is important, we can make this work."

"I don't know. Maybe."

He smiled. "What do you need to be convinced?" He moved closer and bent down to kiss her.

Barbara pushed him away. "Not that. We need time... without each other."

"I don't," he said more bitterly than he had intended.

"I do."

He balled his hand into a fist. His fingernails dug into the soft flesh of his palms as he tried to stay calm. "Work with Nkata for the rest of the week, then see how you feel."

She nodded. "Yes, Sir. Good idea."

To avoid grabbing her and trying to kiss sense into her, Tommy sat down at his desk. "He's going to interview Campbell's mother in Birmingham. Go with him and see what you can learn."

"Thanks."

He waved his hand dismissively and switched on his computer. "Least I can do."

Barbara paused still looking at the ground before turning and unlocking the door. He waited for the door to close. He glanced up. She was looking at him the way she had last night. "I'm sorry, Tommy." She pulled the door behind her. He slammed his fist onto the desk.

* * *

The drive to Birmingham seemed eternal. Winston had already bored Barbara with stories of his latest girlfriend and how wonderful she was, how much in love they were, and how compatible they were in bed. It was the last thing she needed to hear. She grunted appropriately and hoped he would take the hint. It went completely over his head and he continued to rave about things in which she had zero interest.

"What's with you and Lynley?" he asked, seemingly out of the blue.

Barbara closed her eyes. "Nothing."

"Really? Did you two get drunk without me last night?"

Barbara glared at him. "Why would say that, Winston?"

He recoiled. "Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. You both looked thoroughly miserable, so I assumed you had bad hangovers."

"No. Did you ever stop to think that we lost a colleague yesterday? If it was you on Stuart's mortuary table, would you want me to rabbit on about my love life like nothing happened?"

"No, I'm sorry."

"So you should be."

Neither of them spoke for the next five minutes.

"So you and Lynley had some sort of fight?"

"Grr! No. Yes. We... it doesn't matter." Barbara turned away and looked out of the car window.

"I think that whatever it is, it does matter, to both of you. How come you two understand each other so well about everything else except your relationship?"

"We don't have a relationship."

Winston mumbled a reply.

"No good muttering to yourself, Winston. Just say it."

"I said, maybe you should."

"Just drive, Constable. And don't talk until we get to Birmingham."

Barbara pulled the hood of her jacket over her head and hid. It was the only way she could stop from screaming or bursting into a fit of hysterical tears.


	3. Chapter 3

It was five days before Tommy saw Barbara other than in passing. He had given her the time and space she had craved. It had also given him the opportunity to think, and he was beginning to think maybe she had been right. They were too different. Even though he knew they loved each other, the more he thought about it, the less he could imagine them surviving together. The last few days had proven that. If they were meant to be together, nothing would have kept them apart. He loved her, but sometimes love is not enough.

He tied his black tie. Beattie's funeral was being held in an hour, and he knew he would be expected to give a eulogy. He had a range of positive anecdotes and words of praise to comfort family and friends. He would do his duty, but his guilt still ate away at him. He had more or less decided to resign. He owed it to Barbara to tell her first, and he intended to do that straight after the funeral. It would then be up to her whether she wanted to remain friends or not.

* * *

Barbara arrived just before the service was due to start. She intended to sneak in and sit at the back. As she went through the door, an usher in funereal garb complete with an archaic black top hat wrapped in black ribbon, asked her name. "Havers. Detective Sergeant Barbara Havers."

The man nodded then checked his list. "Please follow me."

He led Barbara down the aisle to almost the front of the chapel. Four rows back, he indicated she should sit. Barbara smiled tightly. Tommy was sitting at the end of the pew with a vacant spot between him and Winston. Tommy stood to let her squeeze past him.

"Hello, Barbara."

"Hi, Sir."

"How are you?"

"Okay. Not looking forward to this."

"Me either."

He sounded exhausted, but there was something more. She looked at him. He was watching her too and it was unnerving. She wanted to melt into his arms, and from his expression, he would not object. Time had done nothing to settle her feelings. She turned away and studied the order of service.

* * *

Tommy spoke eloquently. Barbara could not help but marvel at how stoic he could be. It reminded her of the time she first met him at Deborah's wedding. She could see in his eyes he was struggling, but his voice was confident with the right mix of sadness, empathy and hope. As much as she admired him, it made her sadder. She was the opposite. Gauche was a polite way to describe her. Barbara knew she was tactless, socially inept and would embarrass Tommy. Never once had he said or even hinted that she was not his equal, but she could see the truth. Alone, they complemented the other, but they could never exist alone. They were part of a world where appearances counted far more than they should. Tommy was handsome, sophisticated, urbane, and well-educated. She was dowdy, clumsy, and street smart. It worked for investigating crimes but not for long-term relationships. She sighed as she watched Tommy walking back towards her.

"That was lovely," she said when he sat down. "His family will remember that."

Tommy nodded. He briefly took her hand and squeezed it before letting it go. "Thank you."

When the service ended, they filed out behind the chief mourners. People scattered outside the chapel, leaving them standing awkwardly. "Can we talk?" Tommy asked.

"What is there to say?"

"A lot, I think. Let's go somewhere else. This place..."

"Yeah." Barbara had almost forgotten that the last time they were here was for Helen's funeral.

"Do you have your car?"

"No, I came by cab. My car is in for servicing. Some issue with the computer software they said."

"I can give you a lift. I'm parked over there."

Tommy pointed to a distant car park, the one Barbara knew was closest to the rose garden where Helen's ashes were laid to rest. He had probably visited her before the service. Barbara's face flushed red, not with embarrassment but guilt. She had slept with Helen's husband. If she had not already felt bad enough about the situation, she felt a hundred times worse now. She could not trust her voice to answer so only nodded.

"Fancy a pint?" he asked as they started to walk towards the Bristol.

Barbara studied his face. He looked tired and worried. She fretted that she had added to his burden. "Not at the usual. Too many ears."

Tommy pursed his lips. "My place?"

She was shocked he had even thought it, let alone suggested it. "Not a good idea. That got us into this mess in the first place."

"Mess? Don't denigrate it. At least leave me the memories."

"Sorry." She meant it. It was never her intention to hurt him more than she had to. "It wasn't fake. I didn't have sex with you just because I was upset and lonely."

"Neither did I."

"Good."

"Yes, good and it wasn't sex. We made love. There's a difference."

"I wouldn't know."

"Yes, I think you do." They walked in silence to his car. "So, pick a pub," he said as he started the engine.

The last thing Barbara wanted was the noise and bustle of a pub. "Somewhere quiet."

* * *

Tommy had no idea where he was driving. Instead of heading to the city, he turned away from it. There were a few pubs by the river in Richmond that might be quiet. Beside him, Barbara fiddled with her bag. He needed to make her more comfortable if they were going to discuss anything sensibly.

"How was Birmingham?"

"Oh, you know, industrial."

"Useful?"

"Not really. Campbell's mother claims she hasn't seen him in years."

"And you believed her?"

"Yeah, mostly. She's poor and resentful of his wealth. He clearly never gave her any. Blamed his father for domestic abuse and so forth. Miserable family."

"Most are if you scratch the surface."

"Yeah," she agreed. "We're much better living our solitary lives."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know, but I do."

"Why? You and I could..."

"Don't Tommy. Please. Don't think this isn't hard, because it is, but it would be much worse later, for both of us."

He wanted to scream. He saw an exit and pulled into a side road and parked. "I'm thinking of resigning. That's why I wanted to talk."

All colour drained from her face. "Just like that? Why? Beattie or me?"

"Beattie mainly, but also because we can't work together now. Either way."

"Either way?"

"Whether you continue to avoid me, or whether we... take this to its logical conclusion."

"The logical conclusion is that it gets forgotten and never spoken of again."

"Or we get married."

"What? No! Absolutely, no! You can't tell me you're resigning then expect me to resign too and run away with you."

"I don't, but what happened to you resign, I resign?"

"The circumstances were different. That was a principle, not raging hormones."

Tommy sighed. "It's not hormones. I simply don't fancy the Met if you're not by my side. We're a team, Barbara. I want that team to continue."

"Then don't resign. Give it another few days and we can work together again."

"How? Every time I see you, I want to make love to you. You're constantly in my thoughts. Barbara, I love you."

"Don't say that."

"It's true. It's not just something I said in the heat of the moment the other night. You said it too, remember?"

"I shouldn't have."

Tommy's chest constricted painfully. "So you don't love me?"

"Of course I do, but I could control it while it was unsaid. Now it's like I've released a monster. We'd tear each other to pieces. We're too different. It'd never work and you know it. No matter how much we wanted it, we'd destroy each other. I don't want us to end up hating each other. Drive me back to the city please, Sir. The pub is a bad idea."

"Why? Do you think we'll get drunk and repeat the other night?"

"We weren't drunk. That's not why it happened."

"I know, Barbara. That's why I can't understand how you can just switch off. I tried to convince myself you were correct about us being too different. I thought it had worked, but the moment I saw you today, I knew I was wrong. Love can be enough. Just give it a chance. Isn't it better to at least try to find happiness? Anyway, I've said what I wanted to say. I thought you should hear about my plans first. I'll take you home."

Barbara nodded but said nothing. Tommy started the car and turned the car in the narrow street then headed back to London.


	4. Chapter 4

All the way, her mind churned. Even though she had repeatedly pushed Tommy away, Barbara had never intended it to be permanent. It was meant to be a break to help get them back to normal. Now... Now he was talking about resigning. She knew that meant he would drift back to Cornwall. Losing him was what she had feared most and she felt powerless to stop it.

Neither of them spoke until he pulled up in front of her flat. "Thanks for driving me home."

"It's better than taking public transport."

"Yeah. Well, good night, Sir."

"It's barely six o'clock."

"Oh, yeah, true."

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the pub? We could have dinner."

"I... really don't fancy being with people. I have beer in the fridge and I can phone for a pizza. If I get desperate, I have some whiskey somewhere too. I'll be fine." Barbara opened the door. She was surprised when Tommy turned off the engine and got out too. "Sir?"

"I need to know you get inside safely."

"You can see from here."

He mumbled something then shrugged. "I understand" he said with a sigh. "No, actually I don't. I will see you tomorrow."

Barbara watched as he unlocked his car, slammed the door and drove away with just the hint of squealing tyres. She stormed up the path and opened her door. The bang from where she kicked it shut made her shudder. "Bloody hell!"

Her bag was thrown angrily against the wall. She paced up and down debating what to do. With a heavy, uncertain sigh, she pulled her mobile from her pocket.

* * *

Tommy knew it was Barbara from the ringtone. He pulled over to the kerb. "Yes?" he said tersely.

"If you're coming back, bring some more beer and pick up a Chicken Korma curry from The Roti Delhi. I don't really fancy pizza."

The line went dead. Tommy smiled to himself.

Half an hour later he knocked on her door. Barbara looked anxious, as if she had not been sure he would return. He held up the curry and box of beer. "Hi."

"Hi." She nodded to the beer. "Are we getting drunk after all?"

"I don't know yet, but I came prepared."

"Then you'd better come in."

"What made you change your mind?"

Barbara shrugged. "I was hungry."

He chanced his luck. "And?"

"We need to talk."

"Yes, we do. That's why I brought all this beer. We have as long as we need."

* * *

They ate their curry while they watched the news. Barbara passed Tommy a second beer. "I don't want you to resign."

Tommy took a sip. "Why not?"

"I liked the way we were. I like being your partner, and what we do is important."

He ran his hand slowly through his hair. "It is important, and we are good at it, but I don't think I can ever..."

Barbara did not look at him, fearing he was going to say what she was thinking. "What?"

"I can't be impartial anymore. I will always be scared you'll get hurt and I will prioritise your safety. That's not fair on others, or on you."

Now she turned to him. "That's it?"

"What did you expect?"

"I'm not sure, but not that. A loss of passion or belief or interest maybe but not me taking away something you loved. Geez, Tommy."

"I don't love the job. I love you."

"Don't start that again."

"Why not? That's the core of everything else. We love each other."

"And it's clouding our judgement."

"What if it's making it all clear for the first time?"

"It will pass."

"Really? How long has it taken you? Nearly ten years? Has it passed yet?"

"That's not fair. Just because I loved you first. If you hadn't got involved and loved me back this wouldn't be an issue."

Tommy laughed. "Are we going to blame each other for falling in love? And I think I've known for a long time how I felt. I was just too cowardly to ever admit it."

"It should have stayed that way."

"Should it? I would never trade what we shared last week for anything."

Barbara bit her bottom lip. Neither would she if she were truthful. "But we can't do it again. We have to find our way back to being best friends."

"We are best friends."

"I know but still... I want to be like we were."

"Mmm."

Tommy smiled softly. His eyes were dreamy and full of affection. Okay, love, but she still could not face that word in relation to her. Given their recent conversations his look puzzled her. "What? You agree?"

He shook his head. "No. We never lost that, Barbara. Sleeping together strengthened our bond not weakened it. I was just thinking about that night I arrived on your doorstep at some ungodly hour."

Barbara smiled too. "Yeah. We did talk then."

"Baring my soul is not one of my strengths."

Barbara smiled. "Yeah, you told me that once, just after you tried to use my undies to butter your toast."

Tommy laughed and took the tops of two more beers. He handed her one then slid up the couch next to her. "That night at your flat - I was tempted. Very tempted."

She felt her face blush deeply. "Yeah, me too. I almost asked you to sleep..."

"With you?"

"In my bed, with me. Not necessarily foe sex."

"But not necessarily without it either."

"Mmm, no, not necessarily."

"I laid awake for a while wondering what you would say if I followed you in there."

"I would have hunted you back to the couch. If you couldn't sleep with that Miller woman because you were married, you certainly couldn't sleep with me." They both looked at each other and smiled.

"Would you really have sent me back?"

Barbara bit her bottom lip then grinned at him. "Probably not."

Tommy leant over so that their faces were close. "I'm not sleeping on this couch tonight."

Barbara leant slightly into him. "You can go home."

"I've had too much to drink. I might be legally inebriated." He moved closer so that their lips were almost touching.

"London has a very efficient taxi service."

"I was hoping your hospitality would extend to your best friend." On the last word, he brushed her lips with his own.

"Mmmm." Barbara knew this was only going to end one way. She may as well give in. She moved forward into the kiss.

* * *

When Tommy woke, Barbara was still snuggled against his him. At least this time she was unlikely to run away from her own flat. His arm was asleep so he moved it as carefully as he could. Although he tried not to disturb her, she stirred.

"Morning, Barbara."

"Morning. We did it again."

"Twice."

Barbara twisted in his arms and lay on her back. "Haha. We can't keep doing this."

He rolled to face her. "Why not? I'd be happy to do again right now."

"No." Barbara shoved him in his side. It was not overly forceful or convincing.

"Are you sure? We don't have to go to the office for ages. We can say we were on the case." He wanted to move closer and kiss her, but he would never do so if she did not want that too.

Barbara laughed then rolled back to face him. "Silver tongue."

He laughed then gave her a quick, enticing kiss that he knew would leave her wanting more. He then kissed his way down her neck and across her chest. "Mmm, yes, we could, if that's what you'd like."

"Oh, heavens, Tommy." Barbara let out a long, low groan.

He smiled as she kissed his way across her stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

Tommy sat in his office thinking about the evening. He had not been sure how it would end, but it had been wonderful. Making love the first time had been incredible, but now they knew each other's bodies better, it had become even more intense. The feel of her hands on his skin, her lips gliding over his chest, her...

"Oh, Tommy, you bloody fool." For the first time, he realised that they had never bothered with contraception, and he had never thought to ask if it was an issue. Not that he cared about the consequences. He wanted children with Barbara, although maybe not this soon. He went into the squad room.

"Where's Sergeant Havers?"

"Down in Traffic checking out some CCTV footage."

"Ask her to see me when she gets back."

Tommy returned to his room and waited. He could not concentrate on the report on his screen but hoped that staring at it would allow everyone to think he was busy.

* * *

"Hiya. What's up?"

"Close the door."

Barbara frowned. "You've found something?"

"The case? No. Barbara, I owe you an apology."

"Why?" It was a long, suspicious question accompanied by a slight wrinkling of her nose.

"I never thought about protecting you."

"What are you on about?"

"I'm not sure how to phrase this delicately. Do you need to widdle on a stick?"

Barbara laughed. "Widdle on a stick? Did you really say that?"

"Hmm." Tommy felt his face go red. "I feel bad enough without you making me spell it out. Is there any chance I might have impregnated you?"

Barbara's smile vanished. "Oh, I get it. Is this where you give me the name of your very discreet doctor? Well, thanks a lot."

Barbara turned on her heel and stormed out slamming the door behind her. Tommy ran his fingers through his hair. That had gone badly. He opened his door to see her heading to the lifts. He ran after her, trying to look like it was work related. "Havers, wait."

* * *

Tommy caught up to her in the car park. "Barbara, wait please. I was not going to suggest that at all."

She wiped her face then turned. "I'm not pregnant so you needn't worry."

"I was worried for you, not me. I should have at least asked before we... it was just... no excuse, I'm sorry. I've always been considerate before. It just... I should stop talking."

"It just what?"

"Seemed so natural and right to be making love like that with you."

She nodded. "I should have said. One of my ovaries was damaged when I was shot."

Tommy frowned. "I'm sorry, Barbara. Does that mean...?"

"Are you going to finish any of your sentences today?" She looked up to see concern and love in his eyes. It was a look that made her want to rush into his arms.

He took a breath. "Does that mean you can't have children?"

Barbara looked down, trying to hide her fear that this was the end of everything. "Would that make a difference? I know you need an heir."

"To the way I feel? No, not at all. I had hoped we might have children one day, but it..."

Barbara put up her hand. "I can have them. Well, I can if I haven't left it too late. It's just that I am on the Pill to regulate things and ease the burden on the damaged ovary. I should have told you. For some strange reason, when we started making love it wasn't in the front of my thoughts."

"My only concern was keeping you safe, Barbara. I would never hurt you deliberately, and I would never ask you to get rid of our child. I was worried that I had been thoughtless and that you might be worried. I..."

She put up her hand to stop him talking. "We need to decide what we are doing here, don't we? Ignoring our feelings didn't exactly work. There's no point in pretending we don't want more of last night. But if we admit that..."

"Now who's not finishing their sentences?"

"We can't keep avoiding this, Tommy."

"I wasn't aware that I was avoiding anything. If we admit that we love each and want to be together, then the Met isn't an option for either of us, is it?"

Barbara shook her head. "No, probably not."

He stepped closer so that their bodies were almost touching. Between them, he ran the back of his hand over hers. "So, are we resigning and running away together?"

Barbara laughed. "Is that supposed to be the world's weirdest proposal?"

Tommy grinned at her. "It wasn't supposed to be weird. I might have to consult the internet to see if there are any competitors."

Barbara shook her head. "I have nearly two months leave owing. What if we each take a leave of absence? That way we can see whether this works out for us. If not, we can come back. Six would be better but I can't afford it."

"I will pay our expenses if you want longer, or you decide you need it."

"No. I won't be a kept woman. If I decide to resign, you'll have the weirdest answer, and I guess we can talk about money then."

Tommy reached out his hand. "Deal."

Barbara shook it. "Aren't you supposed to kiss me?"

"Oh, I will. All night probably, but not here in the car park. If others are watching, this is purely a discussion between colleagues about taking a break."

"Yeah, sorry. That's sensible. When do we tell Hillier?"

"Now?"

"Tommy!"

"We could make it effective immediately. Today's Friday. We can tidy up our notes and hand them over by this afternoon. I think we should go away for a while. We could travel through Europe or hire a cottage in some remote spot and make love all day and night. I'd like to take you to Cornwall for a week or so and show you the estate properly. Maybe we could..."

"Tommy, slow down. I think going away to somewhere quiet would be perfect. We still need to talk about how all this can work."

"Wales? Scotland? The Cotswolds? France perhaps?"

"Let's stick to somewhere they speak English."

"Okay, that rules out Scotland and probably Wales."

* * *

"I'll miss being here."

Barbara snuggled against Tommy. "Me too. I never knew the Lakes District was so beautiful."

Tommy kissed her forehead. "You're the beautiful one."

"Flatterer."

"Did it work?"

"Sort of. It probably needs reinforcement with a passionate kiss."

"Like this?" Tommy kissed her hard and with obvious intent.

"Mmm. Yeah, that'll do it."

* * *

Afterwards, they lay cuddled on the rug in front of the fire. Tommy caressed her shoulders and back. "I know we've avoided talking too much about the future, but we need to make some decisions."

"I know. You first. What do you want to do?"

"Resign, have you move in permanently with me, travel a bit more, spent more time at Howenstowe, but I don't want to move there, and... You?"

"I want to know what the and was about."

"I was going to say I want you to come off the Pill, marry me, and see if we are blessed with a family."

Barbara sat up. "I thought you'd say and make love morning and night."

"That's a given. I changed my mind because we should discuss the first, that's your decision, and I should propose more romantically under moonlight, with candles and soft music."

"Nah, I'm not impressed by those things. Besides a proposal from a naked man is more memorable, especially when that naked man clearly wants to celebrate my answer."

Tommy looked down and gave an embarrassed laugh. "That was the thought of making love day and night."

Barbara ran her fingers over his chest. "Hmm. If we have a boy, are you going to insist on Eton and Oxford?"

Tommy took a moment. "No. I will register his birth with Eton so he is on their books, but it will be a family decision at the time. If he wants to go, then I would support that. Living in London makes it far easier than being from Cornwall. But I know what it can be like to separated from your parents, so my initial instinct is to register him at a good day school. Same for any daughters."

"And your mother wouldn't object?"

"My mother had her chance to raise her family with us. We will raise our children the way we want to, without interference."

"Social expectations."

"In what way?"

"I can't dance, my manners are basic, and I have no appreciation of the sort of music and events you like to attend."

"Dancing is not important to me at all, but I can teach you enough to get by if that would make you more comfortable. Your manners are unique but you've softened over the years."

Barbara tweaked the soft roll around his waist. "Speak for yourself."

"No, seriously, if you are still concerned about it, again I can teach you what you need to know. And as for music and events, we could teach each other. More cinema, a bit of opera. It might be fun, and if you hate it, again, it's not going to stop me loving you. We could surprise everyone and send our resignations today."

Barbara pushed a lock of hair behind his ear. "You know everyone knows we are together?"

He grinned at her. "Even Hillier couldn't miss the clue with both of us taking two months leave."

"Yeah, he didn't really buy us both suddenly being burnt out after poor Beattie's death. Even if we went back and pretended nothing was going on, he would separate us. I think he knows we won't be back."

"So, my other questions?"

"I've always wanted children."

"So?" He asked cautiously.

"And I had this dream about dancing at my wedding."

"Then we shall."

"Nah. Something quiet would be better. I don't fancy being on display."

"So, you are saying yes?"

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"Oh, Barbara, that's made me..." She kissed him before he could finish his sentence. "Mmmm."


End file.
